some people are so good at talking like they open their mouth and out comes good ideas and perfectly constructed sentences and they have confidence and everyone listens to them talk
but when i talk it’s like hello morning yes butter homework wiggle book good
(via life-writer)
Mormonstuck, aka “Dave being an asshole in many different ways”
Dave was just trying to scare John away but I bet John will actually end up calling him back
(via life-writer)
i’ve had tumblr for years and i still don’t know what the fuck an rss feed is
(via alittlesliceofsassiness)
and here we have harry potter literally standing on a pile of letters to try and catch one that is still in the air. there are clearly reasons why he doesn’t get sorted into ravenclaw
(via alittlesliceofsassiness)
There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying
at least you don’t bleed them out every month
you make a compelling argument
(via alittlesliceofsassiness)
its just a toaster
Actually it is more than just a toaster; it is a short story.
“Finally” denotes anticipation.
“My mom” is character development: you have a mom.
“Bought a toaster” is the clear resolution of the story.It speaks volumes.
its just a toaster
Don’t say that
(via alittlesliceofsassiness)
nothing grape flavored is flavored like grapes it’s just flavored like other grape flavored things and this is why I have trust issues
FUN FACT: Grape artificial flavor was the first artificial flavor created, by accident. That means that some guy decided, “Whoa, this smells a lot like grapes,” and now everyone pretends it’s grape-y, too…
It tastes like an accident
(via alittlesliceofsassiness)
